I’ve been feeling kind of dry lately. Not as in wit, or like a dry sense of humor. Just dry. Spiritually dry.
2015 was a tough year for my family and had it not been for my 365 Days of God’s Promises project I did here on the blog and for my church, my friends and family, it would have been a year full of impossibilities and bleakness.
I think 2016 seems dry to me because there were so many things happening in 2015, and I’ve purposefully gotten this year off to a slow start, so by comparison, it just feels weird. Maybe that’s it.
I’m not saying it’s been a bad year so far. I’ve enjoyed the break in writing projects. I’ve spent hours (countless hours) doing ancestry research and collecting ideas for future novels. I’ve even read a book or two. I’ve sold a good number of books and I’ve acquired new clients, so businesswise, this year is looking good.
But I feel dry.
Last night, I convinced (didn’t take much effort) my church girlfriends to go with me to see The Choice, the latest Nicholas Sparks movie. I thought maybe I needed a good cry. One of those ugly cries that gets everything up and out. I’d read the book a few years ago and vaguely remembered the story, so I knew what was going to happen. I mean, usually in a Nicholas Sparks book someone dies or almost dies or has already died. Hey, I’m a writer. I get it. You have to pull at the heart strings. So I settled in for the next hour and a half and readied myself. But NOTHING HAPPENED. Not one single tear. What’s wrong with me? I even texted my bestie last night and asked her that very question. Why couldn’t I cry?
In the movie, the characters have the “God talk”. Travis (the hero) doesn’t believe in God and Gabby (the heroine) believes in a “higher power” but doesn’t specifically call it God. Forget the romance part of the movie. I couldn’t stop thinking about the God talk all night.
And suddenly it dawned on me:
It’s okay to be dry.
It’s okay to not be able to cry sometimes. (Reminds me of The Holiday where Cameron Diaz’s character Amanda couldn’t cry.) It’s okay if I don’t always FEEL emotional. Why? Because God’s in my heart and in my home and in my church and in my entire world and HE’S GOT THIS COVERED. I know he exists and I know he’s more than just a “higher power”.
He promises never to leave us or forsake us. So even when we feel dry as a bone, he’s still the marrow. He’s everything to me. He’s the giver of life. He’s the answerer of my questions. He’s the solver of my problems. And he’s always there waiting for me to seek out the moisture that I need. He’s there to listen and he’s there to speak into my life. I don’t need a sappy romance chick flick when I’ve got him.
I told my friend last night that if I ever did start crying, it might be like a broken dam and she might need a rowboat, haha!
1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known” (NASB).
Life is confusing and frustrating but it’s also wonderful and thrilling and can be fulfilling. When you’re walking where God wants you to walk, you’ll at some point have peace that what’s happening is all part of his grand plan for your life. Even though it’s confusing now, we’ll know one day what it was all about and how each piece of the puzzle fit together to make your life what it was supposed to be. In the dry moments and in the gushing moments, God is there.
Photo credit: Kayla Johnson